C ouples who’ve been together for a long time often complain about a lack of passion in the bedroom. If that sounds like you and your significant other, don’t fret. You can always find new ways to create passion, pleasure, and intimacy if you’re willing to learn.
1. Talk About Sex
When you’ve been with your partner for a long period of time, it’s common to find yourself in a rut. There’s nothing wrong with either of you. It’s a natural progression, but going through the motions and doing the same thing time and time again can get stale. And stale is not sexy.
So, how do you reignite the flame? It’s as easy as having a conversation. Many couples find themselves keeping quiet about what they want, and need, in the bedroom. But, speaking frankly and having an honest and open conversation about sex can help rekindle the passion.
Discuss moves you’d like to try in bed and fantasies you’ve never shared. Did she do something once that you loved but hasn’t done it again? Compliment her and tell her you’d like to try it again. Do you want more dirty talk during sex? Tell him. It’s important that you both be very open and understanding during this conversation.
Make each other feel safe, valued, and heard. You can even take some of the pressure off by creating a game. Both of you write down some fantasies or desires you have on slips of paper and put them into a jar. Take turns pulling them out and reading them aloud. However you do it, know that It’s important to be vocal about what you want in bed and to listen to what your partner desires.
2. Try Abstaining
It sounds strange; abstinence as a sex tip. But it’s almost guaranteed to improve your sex life and make the next time you two come together an explosive encounter. You don’t have to wait long, either. Try abstaining for a couple of days or a weekend.
You’ve heard the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, abstinence makes the passion hotter. Think about it. If you know you can’t have sex for the next few days, what are you going to want to do more than anything? Have sex.
It puts it on your mind, makes it forbidden fruit, takes something that might have become routine and makes it taboo and special and builds up anticipation and suspense. Add that all together and you’ve got a recipe for steamy sex the next time you two jump into bed. Or the car.
3. Try a New Spot
Speaking of sex in a car, when is the last time you had sex somewhere outside the usual place(s)? Couples who have been together for a while tend to stop having spontaneous sex in random places. You have a home and a bed. Why would you do it in the back of a cramped car? Because it’s fun.
You can certainly have sex in your bed, but it’s good to spice things up a little from time to time. And a change in scenery could really turn up the heat and give you a reason to neglect the bed once in a while.
4. Plan for Sex
This is a suggestion that might not sound romantic, but when you think about it, when you were first dating your significant other you planned for sex. You might not have said as much, but you both got dressed up for dates, made sure you smelled nice, were properly groomed, and wore nice clothes.
You knew there was a chance there would be sex, and you prepared for it. You set dates and cleared your schedules for them. That shouldn’t stop now just because you’ve been with your partner for years.
Plus, if you and your significant other have busy schedules, it could be necessary to set aside time for sex and romance. This is especially important for parents. Kids tend to cause the frequency of sex between a couple to dwindle because it’s hard to “find time.”
5. Use Technology
If you want to get your partner in the mood for sex but you’re stuck at work or in a traffic jam, use your cell phone as a way to achieve long distance foreplay. Send them sexy messages, flirt with them, tell them what you want to do to them when you get home.
6. Don't Skip Foreplay
As the years pass, foreplay sometimes falls by the wayside. Couples “get right to the point” instead of taking time to explore each other’s bodies and pleasure each other in multiple ways. It’s important to notice when this happens and correct the issue because foreplay contributes to stronger orgasms, more intimacy, and better sex.
Both women and men experience increased sensitivity, more excitement, and stronger orgasms when foreplay is part of their sexual encounters.
7. Use Lube
Have you tried adding some lube into the rotation? If you’ve never used lube specifically designed for sex, then you’re missing out. Sex lube comes in a variety of options — each with it’s own purpose, like pleasure lube or lube formulated for anal sex.
If you’re new to lube, try out a pure silicone based lube for that extra slip and long lasting glide. If you want something truly exciting, pick out a CBD based lube — this will lead to some thrilling orgasms.
8. Add Sex Toys
Adding toys can take your sex game to an entirely new level. There are several different sex toys available that are designed for couples to enjoy together. These toys enhance the pleasure the two of you naturally create together while allowing you to explore new areas of stimulation and enjoyment.
It’s a great way to spice things up, try new things, and explore each other’s bodies and desires together. Most toys can be used in multiple ways and positions, so the possibilities are endless.
9. Use Touch Without Sex
Touch is about so much more than just sex. It’s a way to connect the two of you in an intimate way outside of the bedroom. If you only touch when you’re having sex or wanting sex, then your touch might become unemotional, rigid, or even awkward.
It’s important that the touches shared between the two of you remain loving, sensual, and intimate both inside and outside the bedroom. So, make sure to share kisses daily, hold hands when you’re walking down the street, snuggle together when you watch a movie.
It’ll create a deeper bond between the two of you and enhance the pleasure and connection you experience during sexual touching too.
Just because you’ve been together for a few (or several) years and had sex more times than either of you can count doesn’t meant that there’s nothing new to explore. There’s still a lot that you haven’t tried and a lot of passionate nights ahead. You simply need to get a little creative.